Lately, I’ve been very critical of myself and feeling ashamed for a number of ridiculous reasons that honestly sound stupid when you say it out loud. I’d pace around the house, thinking of all the different ways I’d embarrassed myself in front of people. I’d spin each story until I found a new revelation, then continue to spiral until I could no longer regulate my emotions and feel my reality escape from me. My therapist said I should try to be more vulnerable and talk to myself from a place of self-compassion—something I realized I haven’t been doing at all. She also suggested thinking about the things I enjoy and can do whenever I’m feeling anxious, which I thought was a great idea because I honestly just needed the reminder. I wasn’t going to write anything today, but I found the session inspiring and productive, so here goes my list!
Grocery shopping
I know this feels like a chore to most people, but it really is one of my favourite things to do. I love walking around the grocery store even though everything always looks the same. Today, I picked up some gummy bears, vegan bacon, arugula mix, bananas, firm tofu, salmon, Yorkshire tea, rice cakes, and canned beans.
Yorkshire tea
A perfectly brewed Yorkshire tea with a splash of whole milk is one of the most comforting things in the world. I’ve been drinking about three a day.
Buying a little tasty treat
I am forever grateful for the existence of bakeries, coffee shops, and specialty stores. Much like grocery shopping, going to a cafe with the intention of buying a treat is one of the best feelings. I can spend 30 minutes just looking at the menu and eyeing every single pastry or treat displayed, thinking about the best possible bite I could have at that moment. Today, I picked a cheese blintz, which was perfectly soft, lightly crispy from pan-frying, with just a little hint of sweetness.
Online window shopping
Who would’ve thought that just looking can actually be as satisfying as hitting ‘pay now’? I’ve started putting together a wishlist of things I want to buy at some point or when I feel like treating myself to something nice, and it’s so fun??? The most recent addition is these stone drawer knobs from Etsy.
Being in nature
I’m just glad the weather’s finally nice enough to sit outside without getting frostbite. I’ve been enjoying just hanging out in the backyard and listening to the birds chirp. I love watching the trees move, and despite hearing the distant cars drive by or the occasional neighbour talking on the phone, I feel at ease. It’s no Grand Canyon or Lake Louise, but our little square footage of outdoor space is enough for me to get the sunshine and fresh air I need.
Morning pages
It’s true. Writing three pages worth of brain dump first thing in the morning can instantly clear your headspace. In The Artist’s Way, Julia Cameron suggests that letting your stream of consciousness run free without editing phrases, correcting grammar, or the fear of anyone reading it is one of the best things you can do for creative recovery. It’s become a ritual I plan to continue for the rest of my life.
Meditation
In the same vein as writing morning pages, I find meditation particularly helpful for mental clarity—and I’m not saying this from a toxic productivity point of view. I genuinely think meditation is beneficial for our well-being. Even just 10 minutes is enough for me to feel calm, so I will definitely be doing this more often.
Reality television
I’ve never really been a reality TV girly. I think the last reality show I actually was invested in was Jersey Shore. I’ve never seen The Real Housewives, Vanderpump Rules, or Selling Sunset. Lately, however, I have been really loving Survivor. I sound like a broken record for bringing this up two weeks in a row, but it’s just that good. It’s got the drama, challenges, and mind games. I don’t know if I could ever survive (lol) being on a show like that, but I sure enjoy watching other people go through it.
On repeat! This girl is a star.